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Top 10 Democratic Party Proposals to Obama's Economic Stimulus Plan

by: Scott Martin   posted: 2009-01-08 23:52:00
Viewed 1941 times. 12 Comments.

Thanks to my deeply embedded sources in and around Washington D.C., I have learned of the ten most anticipated Democrat proposals to Barack Obama's economic stimulus package. One source tells me that Obama is "breathlessly and enthusiastically engaged in negotiations" over the final details of these plans, while another source says that Obama considers them to be the "foundational building blocks" of his plan for "government to save the capitalist system that has failed us and would die on its own if not for my sheer brilliance."

While some of the details are still largely unknown, they all appear to be reprisals of ideas that were either rejected in the past or were acted on as if they had already been passed by the bills' sponsors. If you are unfamiliar with any of them, the additional reading will prove as entertaining as it is enlightening. In no particular order, here they are:

10. The William Jefferson Cold, Hard Cash For a Rainy Day Act of 2005.

9. The Ted Kennedy/Chris Dodd Give a Waitress a Sandwich Act of 1989.

8. The Bill Clinton Cuban Cigar and Other Flammable Substances Storage Act.

7. The Harry Reid If You Can't Sell Your Home, Sell Someone Else's and Take the Profits Act of 2004.

6. Barney Frank's Backdoor Prostitution Stimulation Act of 2006.

5. The Jesse Jackson Hymietown Extortion Act of 1984.

4. The Dan Rostenkowski Postal System Benefits Act, which spanned two decades.

3. The Ted Kennedy Abandoned Vehicles Reclamation Act of 1969.

2. The Chris Dodd "Making Congressional Loan Rates Available Country-wide" Homeowners Act.

1. The Rod 'Blago' Blagojevich "Give this M-----f----- (Obama) his senator? F--- him. For nothing? F--- him," Senate Seat Sales Stimulus Act of 2008.

My sources tell me that by no means are these it. If you have any news of other acts being considered, please leave them in the comments. We will update there as well, as our sources see fit.

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Comments 12

posterior_sling on 2009-01-09 09:48:14

How about the two sheerly intelligent proposals introduced on Nov 2, 2008 by the One himself?:

The Obama Deep Space Electricity and Skyrocket Construction Act of 2008

The Obama Broke Bank and Coal Annihilation Act of 2008


posterior_sling on 2009-01-09 09:53:18

How about the two sheerly intelligent proposals introduced on Nov 2, 2008 by the One himself?:

The Obama Deep Space Electricity and Skyrocket Construction Act of 2008

The Obama Broke Bank and Coal Annihilation Act of 2008

Oops, almost forgot:

The Illinois Illicitity and Mafia Bailout Program of 2009


posterior_sling on 2009-01-09 09:56:06

Oops, almost forgot:

The Illinois Illicitity and Mafia Bailout Program of 2009


posterior_sling on 2009-01-09 10:04:37

Well, I guess there's a 4th he's determined to enact to keep us on(in) line:

The Watch Your Words or The Truth Squads Nab You Act of 2008


posterior_sling on 2009-01-09 10:33:54

While I'm at it, I may as well submit my own proposal:

The Save the Government's Arse, Put Yours In A Sling Proposal of Do It Now Before It's Too Late.

Arse Slings available $25 plus s+h, 2 for $30, just cover the undisclosed s+h on the second one. That way you and your s.o. can both hop around on one foot.


Birdzilla on 2009-01-09 10:46:17

MORE PORK FROM THE PORKERS MORE MONEY WERE GOING TO BE SLOPPING THE CONGRESSIONAL AND SENATORIAL HAWGS AGAIN AND THEIR ALL LINEDS UP TO BE SLOPPED


Rakkasan1 on 2009-01-09 12:21:00

The Barney Fwank Brokebank Mountain Stimulating Act of 2009


Clyde on 2009-01-09 19:30:41

i know it won't save any money, but sometimes it is nice to recognize people: The BJ Clinton Intern Appreciation Week Proclamation of 1998.

Although being from Penna., i do see some potential savings here - The John Murtha Insulting your Constituency Training Act of 2008


Clyde on 2009-01-09 19:34:44

since drugs are so common in the hip folks in federal office - remember the kids smoking weed on the roof of the WH under carter, maybe ... The Marion Barry Snort your Career Act of 1999


Clyde on 2009-01-09 19:35:59

frankly, scott, i am unclear how you missed this one. with hillary back in power, this program could save the country untold money (and embarrassment) - The Sandy Berger Sock Stuffer Training Act of 2004


Scott Martin on 2009-01-09 19:43:38

Blame it on my sources. Bunch of slackers.


Wiliam on 2009-02-08 10:01:23

HEY...YOU GUYS FORGOT THE "OBAMA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT" located in Peotone Illinois...3x bigger than O'Hare. Smacked with Chicago politician profits to stimulate - Chicago. Oh yes, !! B.O.'s top advisor (WmD) just happens to be on the Board of Directors of Ba. This one is going to bring 500,000 jobs to the cornfields of the Midwest.


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