
by: Scott Martin posted: 2009-01-08 23:52:00
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Thanks to my deeply embedded sources in and around Washington D.C., I have learned of the ten most anticipated Democrat proposals to Barack Obama's economic stimulus package. One source tells me that Obama is "breathlessly and enthusiastically engaged in negotiations" over the final details of these plans, while another source says that Obama considers them to be the "foundational building blocks" of his plan for "government to save the capitalist system that has failed us and would die on its own if not for my sheer brilliance."
While some of the details are still largely unknown, they all appear to be reprisals of ideas that were either rejected in the past or were acted on as if they had already been passed by the bills' sponsors. If you are unfamiliar with any of them, the additional reading will prove as entertaining as it is enlightening. In no particular order, here they are:
10. The William Jefferson Cold, Hard Cash For a Rainy Day Act of 2005.
9. The Ted Kennedy/Chris Dodd Give a Waitress a Sandwich Act of 1989.
8. The Bill Clinton Cuban Cigar and Other Flammable Substances Storage Act.
7. The Harry Reid If You Can't Sell Your Home, Sell Someone Else's and Take the Profits Act of 2004.
6. Barney Frank's Backdoor Prostitution Stimulation Act of 2006.
5. The Jesse Jackson Hymietown Extortion Act of 1984.
4. The Dan Rostenkowski Postal System Benefits Act, which spanned two decades.
3. The Ted Kennedy Abandoned Vehicles Reclamation Act of 1969.
2. The Chris Dodd "Making Congressional Loan Rates Available Country-wide" Homeowners Act.
1. The Rod 'Blago' Blagojevich "Give this M-----f----- (Obama) his senator? F--- him. For nothing? F--- him," Senate Seat Sales Stimulus Act of 2008.
My sources tell me that by no means are these it. If you have any news of other acts being considered, please leave them in the comments. We will update there as well, as our sources see fit.
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How about the two sheerly intelligent proposals introduced on Nov 2, 2008 by the One himself?:
The Obama Deep Space Electricity and Skyrocket Construction Act of 2008
The Obama Broke Bank and Coal Annihilation Act of 2008
Oops, almost forgot:
The Illinois Illicitity and Mafia Bailout Program of 2009
Oops, almost forgot:
The Illinois Illicitity and Mafia Bailout Program of 2009
Well, I guess there's a 4th he's determined to enact to keep us on(in) line:
The Watch Your Words or The Truth Squads Nab You Act of 2008
While I'm at it, I may as well submit my own proposal:
The Save the Government's Arse, Put Yours In A Sling Proposal of Do It Now Before It's Too Late.
Arse Slings available $25 plus s+h, 2 for $30, just cover the undisclosed s+h on the second one. That way you and your s.o. can both hop around on one foot.
MORE PORK FROM THE PORKERS MORE MONEY WERE GOING TO BE SLOPPING THE CONGRESSIONAL AND SENATORIAL HAWGS AGAIN AND THEIR ALL LINEDS UP TO BE SLOPPED
i know it won't save any money, but sometimes it is nice to recognize people: The BJ Clinton Intern Appreciation Week Proclamation of 1998.
Although being from Penna., i do see some potential savings here - The John Murtha Insulting your Constituency Training Act of 2008
since drugs are so common in the hip folks in federal office - remember the kids smoking weed on the roof of the WH under carter, maybe ... The Marion Barry Snort your Career Act of 1999
frankly, scott, i am unclear how you missed this one. with hillary back in power, this program could save the country untold money (and embarrassment) - The Sandy Berger Sock Stuffer Training Act of 2004
HEY...YOU GUYS FORGOT THE "OBAMA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT" located in Peotone Illinois...3x bigger than O'Hare. Smacked with Chicago politician profits to stimulate - Chicago. Oh yes, !! B.O.'s top advisor (WmD) just happens to be on the Board of Directors of Ba. This one is going to bring 500,000 jobs to the cornfields of the Midwest.
In his letter, being sent out to Arpaio supporters today as part of a 100,000-person national direct mail drop, the sheriff calls Hayworth's decision to challenge McCain "courageous." And he pledges to help Hayworth "every step of the way." "Senator McCain has served this country admirably but it's time to replace his moderate or even liberal positions on taxes, the border, social causes and big bank bailouts with a consistent conservative like J.D.," Arpaio continues. "After years of running over Republican principles his entire career no election year conversion to our way of thinking will save his campaign from voters that want conservatives to be a part of the solution rather than part of the problem," he says.
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McCain now finds himself jammed, moving starkly — and often awkwardly — to the right, apparently in an effort to gain favor among the same voters whom Mr. Hayworth, a consistent voice for the far right, could pull toward him like taffy come summer. McCain now sharply criticizes the bailout bill he voted for, pivoted from his earlier position that the Guantánamo Bay detention facility should be closed, offered only a muted response to the Supreme Court’s decision undoing campaign finance laws and backed down from statements that gays in the military would be O.K. by him... “John is undergoing a campaign conversion,” Mr. Hayworth said. Hayworth’s radio-personality bluster and big emotions.. may now have a part in the greater populist narrative that threatens many of the nation’s more centrist Republicans.
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Iran said Tuesday that it had begun producing higher-grade enriched uranium, marking a new and potentially dangerous turn in Tehran's confrontation with the West over its nuclear ambitions... U.S. National Intelligence Director Dennis C. Blair told the House intelligence committee last week that "Iran has the scientific, the technical, the industrial capacity to produce enough highly enriched uranium for a weapon in the next few years and eventually to produce a nuclear weapon. The central issue is a political decision by Iran to do so."
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I wouldn't want my fingerprints on anything this administration or congress proposes. Reid told reporters the bill would be introduced on Tuesday, and that it would include an extension of the tax breaks... Reid did not say how expensive the jobs bill would be. The Senate had been considering a package of roughly $80 billion. The House passed a larger jobs bill before Christmas, but now plans to unveil a different bill independent of that package, which did not garner Republican support.
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Back in November, the House passed its health care bill by a narrow 220 to 215 margin, with 39 Democrats voting against it. Since then, the one Republican who voted for it — Joseph Cao — has indicated that he would not support the bill a second time around given the weaker language on abortion in the Senate version. In addition, Florida Rep. Robert Wexler already retired prematurely. Factor in Murtha’s death today, and Pelosi is down to 217 votes — one short of passage. To pass the bill at some point in the next few months, she’ll need to flip a Democrat who is already on record voting against the bill.
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Don't think that Republicans can't be sucked in when an anti-Wall Street lynch mob gets its blood up. Recall that Sarbanes-Oxley, the devastating antigrowth response in 2002 to the Enron and Worldcom scandals, was passed with virtually unanimous support by Republicans in Congress, and signed by a Republican president. Recall that last year 85 House Republicans voted for a 90% tax on bonuses for any employee of any bank that took more than $5 billion in TARP money. Investors got some good news last Friday. Stocks resisted following through on Thursday's sharp plunge after (Congress) reached an impasse on bank re-regulation. That's a nice down payment on what investors need a lot more of now: proof that the GOP won't join Democrats in a populist rush to seek revenge against Wall Street.
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Just two years after Mr. Obama helped his party pull in record Wall Street contributions — $89 million from the securities and investment business, according to the nonpartisan Center for Responsive Politics — some of his biggest supporters, like Mr. Dimon, have become the industry’s chief lobbyists against his regulatory agenda. Republicans are rushing to capitalize on what they call Wall Street’s “buyer’s remorse” with the Democrats. And industry executives and lobbyists are warning Democrats that if Mr. Obama keeps attacking Wall Street “fat cats,” they may fight back by withholding their cash.
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The Dow, down almost 104 points, had its 10th triple-digit move in 16 trading days. Shares of big banks pulled the market lower, extending a slump that has led to four straight weekly losses.I can't, for the life of me, understand why bank stocks would be dropping. Inexplicable.
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Contrary to President Obama's promises, voters say special interests have more influence on the political process now than they did a year ago, according to a new poll. The poll, paid for by groups looking to curb the Supreme Court's recent campaign finance ruling, found that majorities of both Republicans and Democrats say special interests have increased their influence since the president took office, and they say Mr. Obama has not done enough to fight back.
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If the starting point for this meeting is the job-killing bills the American people have already soundly rejected, Republicans would rightly be reluctant to participate,” the pair explained in a letter to White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. They also said President Barack Obama should remove reconciliation from the table. Using budget reconciliation rules to move healthcare reform in the Senate would mean Democrats would only need 51 votes on procedural measures instead of 60... On Sunday afternoon however, Obama refused to say he would start from scratch.
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How about the two sheerly intelligent proposals introduced on Nov 2, 2008 by the One himself?:
The Obama Deep Space Electricity and Skyrocket Construction Act of 2008
The Obama Broke Bank and Coal Annihilation Act of 2008